Reclaiming Your Voice: The Courage to Say "That Was Not Okay"

"Your wounds aren't waiting to be healed. They're waiting to transform you."

The Power of Honest Acknowledgement

Have you ever found yourself making excuses for how others have treated you? Perhaps you've caught yourself thinking, "They didn't mean it," "It wasn't that bad," or "I should just move on." This week, I want to explore how these well-intentioned thoughts might actually be keeping you from the very healing you’re longing for.

As one client shared during a session: “I’ve done meditations on forgiving my family members, recognising we’ve all done things in previous lifetimes, and knowing we’re all here to learn... but I don’t seem to be crossing up into the learning.” 

This reflection reveals a profound truth about the healing journey. Sometimes, our rush to understand, forgive and transcend can actually bypass the necessary step of honestly acknowledging what happened and how it truly affected us.

The Boundary Within

Many of us struggle with setting boundaries in our relationships.We may find ourselves repeatedly in situations where our needs are overlooked, our feelings dismissed, or our limits ignored. When I work with clients on boundary issues, I often hear some version of: "I can't do boundaries. I'm hopeless at them." 

What I've discovered is that external boundaries cannot exist without an internal foundation. This internal boundary forms when we acknowledge, truly acknowledge, what is and isn't okay for us. 

One client experienced a breakthrough when she realised: “I stood up at the dinner table and left when my mother brought up my ex's name. Later, I told her, ‘Please don’t say his name around me. The image that comes into my head when you say his name does not help me.’”

This wasn’t about trying to control someone else's behaviour. It was about honouring her own truth and expressing it clearly. This is the essence of a healthy boundary.

The “That Was Not Okay for Me” Practice

Before we can set meaningful boundaries with others, we must first establish this internal clarity. One of the most powerful practices I've found for this is what I call the "That Was Not Okay For Me" inventory. 

This practice involves:

1. Creating a detailed list of experiences where your boundaries were crossed, your needs dismissed or your truth denied. Go back as far as you need, and be specific.
2. For each item, write the phrase: “That was not okay for me” or “That is not okay for me.”
3. Notice what happens in your body as you write. Do you feel tension? Emotion? A sense of release?
4. Read your list aloud to yourself. Let each statement land. Feel it fully.

What makes this practice so powerful is that it doesn't require anyone else's participation or agreement. It's an internal reclamation of your own truth, and it creates the foundation for all external boundaries. 

Beyond Forgiveness: The Role of Sacred Rage

Many spiritual traditions emphasise forgiveness, and while forgiveness has its place, I've found that many people try to forgive before they've fully acknowledged what happened and how they truly feel about it. 

One client reflected: “Maybe my fight for not being a victim is how I let my anger out.”

This insight points to something crucial: the suppression of anger often masquerades as spiritual bypassing. We try to rise above our wounds without fully acknowledging them, but our unprocessed anger continues to shape our lives through our relationships, our health, or our ability to express ourselves. 

What I call "sacred rage" is the pure, honest acknowledgment of what was not okay for you. It's not about blaming others or staying stuck in anger; it's about honouring the wisdom of your emotions and allowing them to guide you toward wholeness. 

The False Protection of “Being Nice”

Many of us were raised to be "nice" above all else. We learned that our worth was tied to how well we could manage others' emotions, how little space we took up, or how consistently we could put others' needs before our own. 

One client said: “I was so scared of hurting my mum. But I didn’t. I thought to do it with love, and it was okay.”

This reflection reveals how deeply we fear the consequences of our truth-telling. We worry that honouring our own experience will hurt others, What we often don’t realise is that silence causes harm too, especially to ourselves and often to the relationships we’re trying to protect.

The path forward isn't about becoming unkind or inconsiderate. It's about recognising that true kindness includes honesty and that true connection requires authenticity. 

This Week’s Practice:

Your “That Was Not Okay for Me” Inventory

If this message resonates, I invite you to try the practice:

1. Set aside uninterrupted time with your journal. You may need more than one session.
2. Begin with the phrase "That was not okay for me" at the top of the page
3. List specific experiences where your boundaries were crossed, your needs dismissed, or your truth denied. Be detailed and specific.
4. After each, repeat: “That was not okay for me.”
5. Notice what arises in your body as you write. Stay present with any sensations, emotions, or thoughts. 
6. After completing your list, reflect on what you've learned. What patterns do you notice? What emotions were strongest? What did your body tell you?

The goal isn't to dwell in pain or assign blame. Rather, it's to create the clear internal boundary that will allow you to move forward with authenticity and power. 

"You don't have to be the nice girl to survive anymore. You get to be you—an incredible, powerful, amazing person that has so much to give." 

The Ripple Effect of Truth

When we start to honour our truth and speak it aloud, something beautiful happens. We create space for others to do the same.

As one client said: “Even just starting this has enabled my children to be more honest, which is good. And share.”

Our healing isn't just for ourselves. When we reclaim our voice and honour our experience, we contribute to a culture of authenticity that benefits everyone around us. 

The people who truly love us want the real us—not the version we've created to keep the peace or maintain the status quo. By honouring our own experience, we invite deeper, more meaningful connections with everyone in our lives. 

Upcoming Events This Week

• LIVE in-person event: The Pattern Shift, a 4 hour workshop - learn more
• Apply for Consciousness Mentorship here - your 12-week transformative journey

To learn more about working with me, book a call here

The most powerful gift you can give yourself is permission to know what’s true for you.