When Your Heart Knows: The Courage to Love Authentically 

"Love doesn't need time. It needs courage." 

The Dance of Authenticity and Protection 

Have you ever found yourself holding back your true feelings in a relationship? That moment when your heart is bursting with love, yet something stops you from expressing it fully? This week, I want to explore how these moments of hesitation often stem from our past wounds and the protective mechanisms we've developed. 

Many of us carry an invisible timeline of "appropriate" relationship milestones. We believe there are rules about when it's "safe" or "right" to express deep feelings. But these aren't universal truths—they're protection strategies we've created to avoid pain. 

As one client shared: "I'm dying to tell him I love him, but I'm trying to wait for the right time. It feels so natural, but I'm afraid it's too soon." 

This reveals something profound about our emotional landscape: what appears as prudence on the surface is often masking deeper fears of vulnerability, rejection, and past hurts. 

The Illusion of Safety in Timing 

Our culture has conditioned us to believe that relationships must unfold according to predetermined timelines. We're taught that saying "I love you" too soon might scare someone away, or make us appear too eager. 

But these timelines are illusions—attempts to create safety in a domain where true safety comes not from perfect timing, but from authenticity. 

One client had a powerful realisation during our session: "I think what's stopping me isn't really about timing. It's that saying 'I love you' to someone is associated with pain for me. I'm afraid of what might happen after I say it." 

These fears don't simply evaporate as relationships progress. Instead, they often lurk beneath the surface, creating subtle disconnections precisely when we most yearn for deeper intimacy. 

The Anatomy of Emotional Suppression 

Understanding the structure of emotional suppression can help us begin to transform these patterns:

1. The Surface Rationale: These are the logical reasons we give ourselves for holding back:
   • "It's too soon in the relationship"
   • "I should wait for them to say it first"
   • "I don't want to appear too eager or desperate"
   • "What if they don't feel the same way?"
2. The Protective Strategy: Beneath the surface rationale is what I call a "protective strategy"—a familiar pattern that our nervous system has come to rely on: 

"If I don't express too much, too soon, I won't get hurt. If I wait for certainty before vulnerability, I'll be safe." 

This strategy creates a cycle where we unconsciously limit our authentic expression, hoping to protect ourselves from potential pain. 

3. The Core Wound: At the deepest level lies the original wound of being UNLOVED—often feelings of: 
   • Being rejected after vulnerability 
   • Loving more than you were loved in return 
   • Having your feelings dismissed or minimised 
   • Learning that emotional expression leads to pain 

These wounds typically formed in earlier relationships or childhood when our hearts were open and our defenses were minimal. 

Breaking the Pattern of Protection 

The most powerful insight from this work is recognising that authentic expression isn't about perfect timing—it's about honouring what's true for you in the moment: 

You express love for yourself, not for the other person's response. When you share your feelings from a place of authenticity, without expectation or demand, you reclaim your power from past wounds. 

As one client realized: "I'm not saying 'I love you' to hear it back. I'm saying it because it's true for me, and suppressing what's true creates more suffering than any potential rejection." 

This recognition can be challenging but liberating—it shows us that we have the power to break cycles of suppression that have limited our capacity for connection. 

Compassion for the Protective Parts 

Perhaps the most powerful shift happens when we begin to see our protective patterns with compassion—not judging ourselves for playing it safe, but understanding the loving intention behind our caution. 

The parts of us that hesitate, that check timelines, that worry about rejection—these parts deserve our gentle attention and appreciation. They've been trying to keep our hearts safe in the ways they know how. 

As you work with your own patterns, remember that growth isn't linear. There will be moments of beautiful courage and moments of protective retreat. Each step toward authenticity, no matter how small, is moving you toward deeper connection—not just with others, but with yourself. 

This Week's Practice: The Authenticity Inventory  

If you recognise these patterns in yourself, I invite you to try this practice:

1. Notice Your Hesitations: When do you find yourself holding back feelings or expressions in relationships? What justifications do you give yourself?
2. Feel the Fear Beneath: For each hesitation, ask yourself: "What am I afraid might happen if I express myself authentically here?" Allow yourself to feel this fear fully.
3. Connect to Earlier Experiences: When have you felt this fear before? What past experiences taught you it wasn't safe to be fully expressed?
4. Challenge the Timeline: Ask yourself: "Who created this timeline I'm following? Is it truly serving my highest good and deepest connection?"
5. Small Steps of Authenticity: Choose one small way to be more authentic in your expression this week. It doesn't have to be saying "I love you"—it could be expressing a preference, a desire, or a boundary that you've been holding back. 

The goal isn't to suddenly express everything you feel without discernment. Rather, the aim is to become conscious of when our withholding comes from past wounds so we can choose authenticity over protection when it serves our growth and connection. 

"Authentic expression isn't about perfect timing—it's about honouring what's true for you in the present moment. The 'right time' is when it's genuinely alive in you." 

Upcoming Events This Week 

• LIVE in-person event: The Pattern Shift, a 4 hour workshop - learn more
• Join our Open To Consciousness Community here - get your first month free
• Apply for Consciousness Mentorship here - your 12-week transformative journey

To learn more about working with me, book a call here

Your heart already knows what's true. Your journey is simply learning to trust it again.