Why We Keep Missing Each Other (And How to Stop)

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Something profound happened in our live Consciousness Mentorship session this week. We uncovered why so many of us feel unseen in our closest relationships - and it's not what you think. 

The Invisible Trap We Set 

Here's what I'm seeing everywhere: We desperately want to be truly seen and understood, but the moment someone tries to really see us, we panic. We bolt. We create conditions for how that seeing should happen - the right words, the right timing, the right approach. 

Sound familiar? 

You want your partner to notice when you're struggling, but when they ask "What's wrong?" you say "Nothing" or "You should know." You want your children to share with you, but when they do, you immediately try to fix or change their experience. You crave recognition at work, but when it comes, you deflect or minimise it. 

This is the push-pull pattern that's sabotaging our connections. 

What's Really Happening 

When we were children, many of us received mixed messages: "Be successful, but don't outshine anyone." "Share your feelings, but don't be too much." "Be yourself, but be who we need you to be." 

So we learned that visibility is dangerous. That being truly seen leads to criticism, rejection, or being too much for others to handle. Now, as adults, we're recreating that same dynamic by making it impossible for others to see us clearly. 

The Communication Pattern That Changes Everything 

Instead of running away when emotions get intense, whether it's your child's meltdown, your partner's frustration, or your own overwhelm, try this: 

Move toward the emotion instead of away from it. 

When someone in your family becomes activated, resist the urge to withdraw, fix, or defend. Instead, move closer. Get curious. "I can see you're really upset. What's this really about for you?" 

This single shift can break generational patterns that have been running for decades. 

Your Practice This Week 

Notice when you're creating conditions for how others should see you.

• Are you requiring them to read your mind?
• Are you deflecting when they try to connect?
• Are you controlling how visibility happens? 

Try letting people see you messily, imperfectly, without managing their response. 

The goal isn't to be seen perfectly. It's to be seen authentically. 

The Ripple Effect 

When you start allowing yourself to be seen without conditions, something magical happens. Your family members start doing the same. The communication patterns that have felt stuck for years begin to shift. Real intimacy becomes possible. 

This is the work that transforms not just you, but everyone around you. 

What would change in your relationships if you stopped managing how others see you? 

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