Seeking external validation is defining your life...
Apr 23, 2025In my work with clients, I've observed that our deepest wounds aren't just painful feelings—they're unconsciously designing our limited reality. But these same wounds can become portals to understanding the true nature of existence.
This month, I'd like to share insights from a recent transformational coaching session that illustrates how we can move beyond our core wounding to experience true freedom.
The Pattern of External Validation
One of the most common patterns I see in my practice is what I call "externalisation of worth." This manifests as:
- Constantly pushing yourself to achieve more
- Never feeling satisfied with your accomplishments
- Feeling that your value depends on external validation
- Creating immense pressure around performance
- Exhaustion from "spinning plates" to maintain control
As one client shared: "I'm so tired of trying to find that thing that's going to make me feel like I've made it. I'm so exhausted by it."
The Root of the Pattern
These patterns often begin in childhood. When our caregivers externalise their worth onto us, we adopt their tactic for our survival. We draw lines in the sand that we must meet to feel safe, because at the very depth of this pattern is the sense that love is conditional.
What many don't realise is how this program energetically suffocates our life force. It creates an illusion that we must keep pushing externally to be safe, when in reality, this approach depletes us.
The Pathway to Transformation
Conscious Recognition
The first step to freedom is bringing full consciousness to these patterns.
In our coaching sessions, we locate where in the body these feelings live:
- Where is the pain of not feeling looked after?
- Where is the doubt about trusting yourself?
- Where is the fear of making wrong decisions?
By identifying and witnessing these patterns fully, we create space for change.
Energy Reclamation
Nothing outside of us will ever make us feel complete. The energetic quality of seeking external validation is one of constantly pushing energy out, forcing, striving.
True transformation requires reclaiming your energy back into your body and finding peace in simply being—recognising that your energy, as it is, is enough, complete, and loving.
Nervous System Regulation
The wound lives in the nervous system, where fear motivation comes from. The nervous system isn't very intelligent—it continues running programs it believes make you safe, even when they're actually depleting you.
Through guided meditation and conscious rest periods, we create new pathways in the nervous system that allow for true safety and connection.
This Month's Practice:
Sacred Stillness
If you relate to the patterns described above, I invite you to experiment with periods of sacred stillness. This isn't easy—for many, stillness feels excruciating because movement is where they've learned to feel safe.
Start with just 11 minutes twice daily of sitting with yourself and your pain. This might feel challenging at first, but as your nervous system de-armors, you'll begin to access a level of rest you may never have experienced before.
When your energetics switch over into connected energy, you'll find yourself operating from a place of authentic power rather than forced striving.
"The true relationship and connection is between you and your consciousness, you and Source, and that's where we can reorientate to trust. The true trust is in yourself."
Upcoming Events
- Open To Consciousness Community: Join our Community, for masterclasses, live Q and As, monthly meditations and amazing meditations... first month is free for you to try.
- Dive into True Transformation: The Mentorship is the pathway to deep, lasting change.
- 4-Hour Workshop - The Pattern Shift: An in-person workshop
focused on identifying and transforming patterns of self - restriction - Sydney Only
To learn more about working with me, click here
Your core wounds aren't just painful feelings—they're portals to understanding the true nature of existence.
