Why your relationships are SO challenging...

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This week we are diving DEEP into relationships. You can play along by listening to this week’s podcast here... This masterclass has literally changed lives! 

So, what if I told you that your most painful relationship is actually your greatest teacher? That the person who triggers you most consistently is offering you the exact mirror you need for your evolution? 

Seven years ago, I was trapped in emotionally draining relationships across the board - with my partner, my three children, and my family. I felt disconnected, reactive, and stuck in endless loops of the same conflicts. Today, I have a devoted partnership, stable loving children, and connected family relationships. The difference? I learned to see relationships as mirrors rather than threats. 

🪞 The Mirror That Changes Everything 🪞 

Every challenging relationship in your life is reflecting back patterns of separation that exist within you. When something feels misaligned "out there," you feel it deeply because it's actually revealing something happening within your own relationship with yourself. 

This is why relationship pain cuts so deep - it's not just about them, it's about the disconnection you're experiencing internally. 

Here's what most relationship advice gets wrong: it focuses on fixing the specific relationship rather than understanding the underlying pattern. But your challenging relationships are fractals - the same core pattern repeating across different people and situations. 

The pain you feel with your difficult family member? It's the same essential pain you've felt in romantic relationships, friendships, even work dynamics. When you heal the fractal pattern in one relationship, it transforms across all relationships. 

Ask yourself: 

• What similar emotions arise across your most challenging relationships?
• How do you show up predictably when triggered by different people? 
• What characteristics do these difficult people share in your experience? 

💡 The Addiction We Don't Talk About 💡 

We become addicted to our relationship patterns because they're known and predictable. Your nervous system, wired for survival, finds safety in the familiar - even when the familiar is painful. 

You know exactly how that difficult person will react.  

You know exactly how you'll respond.  

You know the emotional cocktail that will follow.  

It's a closed loop that feels safer than stepping into the unknown of conscious relating. 

But here's the twist: you're not just the victim in this pattern. You're also unconsciously adopting the very characteristics that hurt you most as survival mechanisms.  

The person who excludes you? Check how you exclude others. The person who controls you? Notice your own controlling behaviours... (take out a pen and paper and dive into this one and see what comes up) 

🤍  Beyond Forgiveness: A Revolutionary Approach 🤍   

Traditional forgiveness often becomes spiritual bypassing - "I'll just make this okay and move on." But this approach keeps the unprocessed energy looping unconsciously through all your relationships. 

Instead, try this: "That was never okay. It was deeply painful, and I'm going to feel the full extent of that pain as my portal back to connection with myself. But I won't betray myself by making it okay." 

This isn't about holding grudges - it's about honouring your experience fully so you can truly transform it. 

💎 Inner Boundaries: Your Real Power 💎 

External boundaries often fail because they're trying to control others rather than honouring yourself. Inner boundaries are different. They're commitments to yourself about how you'll show up regardless of others' behaviour. 

For example, I told my partner early in our relationship: "If you want to be with me, it's a committed relationship. If you want to be with someone else, you have full choice to do that, but you're no longer with me. That's my inner boundary." 

This isn't controlling him - it's honouring myself and creating space for conscious choice rather than unconscious reaction. 

What inner boundaries are critical to keep you in an aligned relationship with yourself? 

Your Practice This Week 

1. Identify your fractal: Choose your most challenging current relationship. What emotions, thoughts, and behaviours show up consistently? 
2. Find the mirror: What characteristics of this person have you adopted in other relationships? Be honest without self-judgment. 
3. Set one inner boundary: Where will you no longer abandon or betray yourself? What commitment can you make to honouring your truth? 

The Deeper Truth 

Your relationships aren't happening to you - they're happening through you. You are the common denominator, which means you're also the one with the power to transform the pattern. 

When you stop fixing your identity as the victim and their identity as the perpetrator, you create space for something entirely new to emerge. You become sovereign in your relationships, able to show up authentically rather than reactively. 

This is the path to conscious relating - relationships that support your evolution rather than keep you stuck in separation. 

Ready to dive deeper into this work? Join me for my upcoming Consciousness Mentorship. It is life-changing work. 

Subscribe today and never miss a thing!